Women Divulge What It's Like To Be A Mistress

What does it feel like to be "the other woman"? Women who were mistresses before took to Reddit to answer just this question. It's a sensitive topic, yet human curiosity urges us to understand what moves people to have an affair with a married person. We'd also like to understand why people cheat on their partner at all. These women divulge their experiences:

#1 Being the Mistress Hurts a Lot of People

“I hooked up with someone who said he'd 'broken up' with his out of town girlfriend. Then he was 'on a break', then they were 'back together' literally the next day. We didn't stop for a while after that. I met her in person when she came to visit, I didn't feel guilty until that moment (even though I'd kind of facebook stalked her). Eventually (several months after he left town and we weren't hooking up anymore) he told her and they broke up. We're still friends.

I don't really regret it in the sense that I beat myself up when I think about it. I don't believe in regret. I would, however, never do it again because I put myself through a lot of pain, I put her through a lot of pain, and even though I don't really care, I know that he hurt too, and probably still does a little bit.“

[bubblesugarsocks via Reddit]

#2 It Was Just a Phase

“I was the other woman a few years back. I knew he was married, met the wife once or twice. There's no excuse I can give that would make it be allowable, so I won't try to give any.

I was in a 'I don't give a shit about relationships in general' after a bad breakup. Me and this guy had some intense … tension that had been building for a very long time. Always bordering on the edge of being physical. I don't remember how it happened (again, years ago), but we had s*x twice, made out a handful of other times.

We did start developing feeling for each other. But I never wanted him to leave his wife, never wanted more than what we had going on. It ended amicably between us, he found out his wife was pregnant and they were set to move soon. I don't keep in contact with either of them. To the best of my knowledge, she doesn't know about it.

I should say that I feel bad, it's not something I'm proud about. But I don't really feel guilty about it.“

Some men don't stop having an affair once even though their wife is pregnant …

[flyingbatbeaver via Reddit]

#3 When You Don't Know You're the Mistress

"I didn't know I was the other woman. The guy decided to leave out that information. It ended when she facebooked me to tell me that he was cheating on both of us. I was super pissed off and sad because I thought I really liked him.“

[deleted via Reddit]

#4 When He Doesn't Know What He Wants

“I have basically been in this situation. Although when I was the 'other woman' he wasn't committed to anyone...he just wanted options/freedom (the other woman knew about this although I know that she really liked him and wanted a solid relationship...she was basically holding out for me to be out of the picture). The pros of this situation are that I was also free to see who I wanted, he seemed generally happier than when we were dating, I felt like I had to do less to 'impress him' because less was at stake. This was in college and it was a time where I really felt like I needed an SO and I wasn't yet used to rejection. And I think from his perspective, even though we loved each other, he felt very unsure of committing because we were so young...so the ability to be with me but not having to call me his 'girlfriend' was appealing to him.“

But there were cons, too:

“The cons of this situation were that I would feel very jealous when he would be with the other woman. This was a pain in my ass because the whole time I knew that just as I was free to see who I wanted, he was too. Didn't stop the emotions though. Planning to see each other was always a pain. Seeing him and the other woman (we all went to the same school...) was very awkward. I also felt bad because I wasn't even acquainted with the other woman, but I knew how she felt and I didn't like that I had a part in it. It kind of sucked because he would say negative things about her or tell a story that she was in and it felt kind of insensitive. I just always wondered what he would say about me with her.“

[sarahbearuh via Reddit]

In the end, she broke up with him and found someone who was willing to commit to her!

#5 When He's a "Reoffender"

"I didn't know I was the other woman. I met him on a dating site and dated him for a very short time. I only found out a couple of months after we were no longer seeing each other when I texted him out of the blue. I felt bad for his girlfriend because it seemed like I wasn't the first other woman she discovered."

[Maniacalmama via Reddit]

#6 When it's Just a One-Time Thing

"I slept with a married man.

Mid twenties living with roommates. My housemates friend and old band mate was flying in for a visit.

I assume he had made up his mind beforehand to try to sleep with me. We had never met before but from the first instance of meeting he was very heavy handed and forward.

I figured if he didn't care I wasn't going to care. A good looking fun guy flew to my house and proportioned me and would be gone again in a few days.

This was all six or so years ago now. I just actually struggled for about 10 minutes trying to remember his first name.“

[deleted via Reddit]

#7 When an Affair Destroys You

“She was bi, I am a lesbian, her boyfriend was straight.

I knew she had a boyfriend, and I knew she was a flirt. Then I found out that they had an open relationship whilst she was a student. Then she kissed me. Then we dated and it was nice - and then she ended it super abruptly. My theory is that her boyfriend called time on it because he was suspicious: she hadn't dated anyone for more than 2 dates before me in the whole time she'd been with him, and we were together about 5 months.

I will never do it again. Being the 2nd partner to your only partner is soul destroying - or at least it was for me. In hindsight, it probably just wasn't a good starting relationship to go for.“

[Escape92 via Reddit]

#8 When You Learn Your Lesson the Hard Way

“I was also misled into thinking they were single and that this mysterious girl they always hung out with was merely a 'close friend'. I ended up getting the guts to message her directly to ask if she really was who he said she was and both she and I were devastated. Right after I told her, she confronted him and I immediately stopped talking to him. It was very shocking and sad, because I did have feelings for him, but more importantly, I felt stupid for falling for his lies and tricks. I remember wondering 'Why me?' for several months afterwards.

I learned to trust my gut feeling and to not give people the benefit of the doubt when their behavior was clearly suspicious. I also figured out that online dating is not for me.“

[psychedelic-machine via Reddit]

#9 When He Says He's "Monogamish"

“I went on a few dates with a guy who was in a (slightly) open relationship. He calls himself 'monogamish' which I think is dumb, but whatever. Basically, he has a serious partner but is allowed to have casual dalliances on the side 'as long as it doesn't interfere with her.'

I initially flirted with him at a party, and because we have mutual friends and I didn't realize he was in a relationship, I initially assumed he was available for more. Even when I asked him out and he explained he had a partner, I was thinking it was going to be something more like polyamory.

But ultimately, what it seemed to be is that he wanted to just get drinks or go to parties together and then hook up whenever his serious partner was unavailable or out of town. The s*x was really fun, but ultimately it didn't make me feel good about myself at all. I got the sense it was a bit of an ego boost for him, and it just put me off.

[BayAreaDreamer via Reddit]