The Dumbest Things Reddit Users Have Heard

Sometimes, there are things you can't or don't want to believe. But they happened nevertheless! As dumb as they sound, they're also funny, whether they're excuses to cheat or stories told by Reddit users, we love them! Here are the dumbest things Reddit users have heard:

Let's start on the next page!

#1 The Magical Fork

"My friends and I were making drinks one night. I don't remember what drinks they were but it involved fizzy soda and stirring.

I grab a spoon and start stirring and my friend looks at me, horrified. She says "stop!" I look at her confused. She continues, "you can't use a spoon!" I laugh and ask why not. She says "the acid from the pop will eat away the spoon, you have to use a fork so it can pass through the slots."

Edit: so this kinda blew up, thought it was buried. To clarify, there was zero alcohol involved. She was probably mid twenties when this happened, I don't remember exactly how long ago. Also, immediately after that comment when we started laughing, I heard her dad giggling in the other room. She turned, face red, and screamed "Dad! You told me that the acid eats away the spoon!" So, pretty sure dad punked her."

[IShootWithThisHand via Reddit]

#2 The Bama Regulations

"My coworker said something along the lines of, “It’s these Bama regulations.” I, naturally, was confused. Turns out he thought Barack Obama’s (the president of our country for SEVEN years at this point) name was actually Baracko Bama."

[Veles0001 via Reddit]

#3 The Water in the Bathtub

"Two people talking behind me in my high school civics class: "I really need to lose weight. I'm obese." "You don't look that fat." "Yeah, but when I get in the bathtub, the water rises."

[asheroliver via Reddit]

#4 The Veterans Question

"I worked as an intake specialist and had a similar experience. Individuals would call and be pre screened to see if that met criteria for low income housing. There were a series of questions I had to ask and one was “are you a veteran?” The young lady, who was 18, said “yes”. I was a bit surprised because she just turned 18, but I thought maybe she misheard me so the conversation went like this:

Me: “How long did you serve for?” Her: “What the f*? I didn’t go to prison!” Me: “No, in the military, how long did you serve?” Her: “What the f*! I’ve never been in the military” Me: “Oh, I must’ve misheard when I asked if you were a veteran” Her: “Yes. I’m a veteran, I live in the United States” Me: “Oh. You mean a citizen” Her: “Ok. Whatever”"

[dogsnoringtooloud via Reddit]

#5 The Cesarean Section

"Someone who will remain unidentified said that I didn't really give birth to my firstborn because c-sections don't count, they're the easy way out.

It was an emergency c-section because the umbilical cord was getting compressed with every push, after a 56 hour labour with inducing and back labour. 12 years later, the scar still aches if I exercise and my menstrual cramps focus along the scar line. Right. The easy way."

[EverElusiveKudo via Reddit]

#6 Dinosaurs are Invented

"My friend who I worked with and is ~40 thinks dinosaurs are fake. He also went on a legitimate "Squach-hunt" a few years back.

I'm trying to be clear here:

Dinosaur fossils are part of the museum/geologist agenda. Big Foot and Sasquatch are a present-day threat."

[iBelieveInSpace via Reddit]

#7 The Living Proof 

"Reminds me of this joke:

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

[first_must_burn via Reddit]

#8 A Gold Mine for Fools 

"My mom's boyfriend is a treasure trove of stupid.

He told my little brother that it was okay to swim far out into the ocean if you see dolphins because dolphins eat sharks.

He told me my half sister and I were full siblings because we share the same mom. He thinks half siblings are only children that have same father different mother.

Want more? I got plenty."

[Hugh_Jury_Rection via Reddit]